Paul shares his story: I lost my Father in late January 2011.

We had a difficult relationship through the years some good some bad. The thing with Dad is that he was from the old school and you had to respect your parents even if you didn’t agree with what they said, and I did and I still do. Dad was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in August 2011 this coupled with his numerous health problems was the final blow.

I put all the bad feeling my father and I had towards each other to one side. The past was just that the past what mattered now was the present. A friend of Dads was visiting my father in hospital and I remember him saying to me, cherish the time you have with your father.

Those words never hit home until a few months after Dad died, how true that piece of advice was. As Dads health declined I stepped into the role of his carer, he had given up driving so I became his lifeline to the world, i would take him shopping each week, ferry him to his Doctors, one hospital visit after another and so on and on. I didn’t think this a chore at anytime, I did it for the simple reason that he was my father and we became very close in the last few months of his life.

To see Dads quality of life diminish in such a short period of time was something I hope I will never have to witness again. He had gone from an athletic life to one where all he could do was just sit as all his energy disappeared to nothing. When he was admitted into hospital for the last time, the family was told that the end was very near and family and friends would visit , but I stayed with him day and night sleeping next to him and for the very first time I got to hold my hand in his and he gave it willingly as he would occasionally softly squeeze my hand, that memory of holding my hand and nobody else’s as he passed on is something very special I will always remember and hold dear to my heart.

I wanted him to know I was there and he wasn’t alone, I can remember thinking to myself at the time of just how big Dads hands were and they felt so soft and gentle to hold. He knew I was there because only a few hours before his death he became agitated and sat up suddenly. I asked what was wrong but at this time he could no longer speak as he was heavily medicated. “Is the television bothering you?” I asked. He slightly shook his head to one side. “Do you want me to change the channel?” I asked, he nodded. So I changed television channels, he raised his thumb up when I got to the channel he wanted, he then fell back into a deep sleep.

Later I would tell this story to the nurse and the nurse told me that was your father acknowledging that he knew you were there and he was saying goodbye. Death, although we knew the end was near, came so suddenly. One minute he was with me and the next he wasn’t, there was no more erratic breathing, just silence.

The date of January 23rd will always be a date of remembrance for me because at 4am on that Sunday morning in 2011 my Father passed over.

I miss him.

(Thanks Patty I must say I’m not one for counseling but writing this has helped xx)